To Die Awake
from Falling Past Love by Tobin James Mueller
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to die awake

i want to die awake
with my soul like a mouth
and the nostrils of my belief expanding
my senses made infant again
cradled by saliva and sweet milk and
a mother’s christening heat

i want to die awake
with flesh wrapped hopes
and dirt beneath my fingernails
eyes wide like faucets
ears pressed against the earth
and with my tongue i want to taste
a knew language

i want to die awake
before the fall of dreams
beyond bedtime tales
unframed by glass stained and leaden
outside the regularity of the hospital wall
all these that turn me from the true
and march me to the yawning grate

i want to die
as if by my own hand
i want to die
on the day before
i want to die
with time left... and right...
and love more than a memory full in between

i want to die
as if
as i
as will be
and know
yes, this is mine

text © 2004 Tobin James Mueller