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WELL, THAT WAS ZEN, THIS IS TAO:
TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.
SOCRATES: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: But soft, what bird on yonder asphalt trots?
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. You see, to you the road represents the barrier between what is and what might be. What is is you in front of the computer screen, practicing celibacy, peering into your mother's womb, wishing to be suckled at her breast (in this case, at the teats of internet knowledge and passive acceptance), hating the reflection in the screen that reminds you of your father, thinking how you life can never measure up What might be, only the chicken knows, now that he has crossed...
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: No. The road represents the black man; the chicken is the white man. The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep him down. The chicken is free to move, free to do as he pleases.
LEMMING: Which road? I'm there!
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken DID NOT cross the road.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
HERITAGE SOCIETY: The fact that the chicken crossed the road without government assistance is but one more proof of the folly of continued spending on social welfare programs.
WILLIAM BUCKLEY: Before the chicken made the crossing, there was a pretty poultry number of birds on the far side of the road..
BILL CLINTON: I feel that chicken's pain as he stuggles to make the decision whether or not to cross the road...
[MONICA LEWINSKY: The chicken's pain isn't the only thing he felt.]
BILL CLINTON'S REPLY: That depends on how you define "chicken."
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
DARTH VADER: I am the chicken's father.
ENERGIZER BUNNY: [Commenting through his lawyer, he said that he was suing the chicken for shtick infringement.]
DAVID COPPERFIELD: I made the chicken disappear and reappear on the other side.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
AGENT MULDER: Now Scully, try to follow me with this one. It may sound outrageous to you, but I think if you look at all the evidence, they will support my theory: The chicken is really an extraterrestrial being that has disguised itself in order to conduct secret experiments using humans for genetic hybridization. It had to get to its hidden laboratory which is located on the other side.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
MARIO ANDRETTI: (Splat!) Oh, sorry. That was a chicken?
ON A RELATED QUESTION:
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters to no one in particular . . .
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